My friend Joyce is a hard woman in many ways. Her husband, the Platypus, likes to bounce quarters off her abs.
Tonight, she called me and asked, "When are we going to do our dive bar project?"
"It's not our project, Joyce," I said. "It's more something you and Eric want to do. I don't like going to dive bars. I end up getting into fistfights and waking up next to women in Jagermeister hats."
"Yeah, sure. I bet you go to dive bars all the time."
"I'm trying to cut back."
"Have you seen Capote yet?" she asked, "because you remind me of him."
I'm shooting for Viggo Mortensen levels of manliness, but I'm willing to accept that I come off as, say, Matthew Broderick. Truman Capote is not where I'm placing the energy, thank you.
The woman is hard, I tell you.